“Because you no longer need anyone or anything to fill you up, you step into the gift of YOU that fills up the world, adding your unique colour to the magic canvas of LIFE.”

I was moving about in my home one afternoon. It was my day off so I was cleaning, cooking, enjoying my downtime or so it seemed.

I became aware that my body was in a state of contraction from rushing, eager to complete one task in order to get to the next thing on my list to do.

This tension was so slight, very subtle that I could barely notice it because this was my normal. It’s how I felt most of the time.

In that moment and many moments after that, I decided to try something different and challenge how I always did things.

Without the experience of softness that comes from sitting consistently in silence and stillness, there’s no way I would have noticed this race happening in my mind and body while living life…eyes wide open.

Instead of ignoring this habit, I stopped and held space for it, without making myself wrong.

I listened to what the tension was trying to tell me.

This is what came to me…

The present moment feels dangerous.

It initially doesn’t make sense but after some reflection, this underbelly feeling of danger is what blocks many of us from living in the moment in daily life because…

Being in the moment puts us in the space between not knowing and not being in control. That feels scary. We were trained from a young age to know and be in control. We were punished otherwise. We don’t ever want to feel that humiliation and embarrassment again.
Being in the moment means there are a lot of loose ends. It feels like a race to finish and accomplish only to realize that the pleasure of completion is fleeting. It can be unsettling.
Being in the moment forces us to accept ourselves, other people, things and situations that are making us uncomfortable, angry, sad, disappointed, impatient, worried, etc…right now. It’s messy and it feels negative and running away from it all feels better.
Being in the moment may seem boring at times which challenges our need for significance and relevance. Are we enough without significance? Are we relevant without words and action?
Being in the moment lovingly forces us to forgive everyone and everything from our past, but in order to do that we have to first feel the buried hurt under the anger and let it run its course…right now. It’s the last thing we want to feel.
Being in the moment is the only place where big decisions and big actions that can change the course of our lives happen. We don’t like making those kinds of decisions or doing those kinds of actions. It feels like too much to handle. Our hearts beat so fast that it feels like we might actually die.
Being in the moment puts us in touch with the truth that we’re responsible for our own happiness. The parent, partner, friend, career, situation or thing we’ve been waiting for to comfort and save us and make things better is never going to come. That petrifies us. Choosing to be the victim is the much easier choice.
Being in the moment brings us closer to the truth that for every day we live, we are one step closer to our death. It’s hard to get our head around that but it’s the one truth we can’t deny as much as we would like to.

When we choose to honestly look at ourselves, no longer hiding from our truth, it’s humbling to finally admit that we’d rather run and distract ourselves than be here…so what could we embrace about living in the moment instead?

Not knowing and not being in control allows us to feel more alive. It feels like a free fall but what’s remarkable to discover is that the invisible net of LIFE is always there to catch us and support us.
Loose ends put us in process and that’s where our freedom and creativity lie. In that, we settle into a certain ease that we can only find in the process.
So-called negative emotions connect us to our humanity which connects us deeply to each other. And when we stick around long enough to watch it change and evolve, we discover a resilience and power that we didn’t know we had. The softness that comes with that is extraordinary.
Underneath the seemingly boring moments, we discover that the life within us is more than enough to be grateful for. We discover our significance and relevance deep inside…being self-validated makes us unstoppable.
Forgiveness is the gift of being unburdened. The past will not let you go until you forgive it. The lightness that comes is our natural state. In that, we discover our depth, our value, our worth.
Big decisions and big actions that change our lives put us in touch with what we’re made of, which, of course, is limitless. Our capacity to expand has no ceiling along with the joy that comes with it.
Taking responsibility for our own happiness puts us in a greater position to serve and to leave the world a better place. Because you no longer need anyone or anything to fill you up, you step into the gift of YOU that fills up the world, adding your unique colour to the magic canvas of LIFE.
Living with the acceptance of death is the greatest motivator to appreciate every moment we have left. To savour it, cherish it, enjoy it. When we embrace our looming death with open arms and make the most of this one chance we have in this LIFE, we can take our last breath knowing we played the game full out, we didn’t hold back and we didn’t play small. We lived an amazing and beautiful adventure…every day.

Yes, the present moment feels dangerous and yes, I’ll want to still at times run away from it or resist it but my LIFE can only exist here now.

So…

I choose the present moment anyway because it’s the only way home.