Fourteen years ago, I completed my first 10-day silent retreat. Something happened that changed me forever. I felt a kind of happiness that I'd never felt before.

Prior to that, I'd bought into the belief that happiness is dependent upon externals (relationships, career, material possessions, outside recognition, etc.). But thankfully I discovered the simple truth in silence…happiness does lie within.

A few weeks after the retreat, however, real life started to creep in. I was starting to lose that "feeling". How was I going to sustain it in life's chaos?

I recognize that a retreat setting is conducive to feeling peaceful given that all you're required to do is sleep, eat and sit in silence for 10 hours a day. Everyday concerns are far away. It's a simple existence that makes it fairly easy to quiet the mind.

But could I make my way back to center while being an everyday person with everyday concerns and responsibilities of living in the city?

Is it possible?

Or do I have to leave everyday life, leave the city to find peace?

Fast forward to today, I'm happy to share that it's possible but it takes time and a lot of courage, patience & self-compassion.

Why?

1. Silence and stillness are the clearest mirrors on the planet. That means they'll reflect back the beautiful, the good, the bad and the ugly…the really ugly. I'm not talking about any measure of beauty here. I'm talking about all the things about ourselves, the people in our lives, what's happening around the world and to the planet that we don't want to see, feel and acknowledge. All of that "stuff" starts to come up in clear view and it will literally make your skin crawl…at first.

2. The present moment can be intense. Silence and stillness brings you to the present moment. Being present means you will feel everything at a visceral level. Your cells vibrate and hum in varying intensities throughout the day. It's called aliveness and it's what makes us human. When and for how long the intensity shows up for is out of our control. It just happens. The only way around any intensity is "through" it. Feeling it fully.

3. Letting go of control is an unwelcome reality. It's not too long into sitting in silence, there is a realization that what we think we control, we don't. The mind will resist. In fact, it'll fight and get really loud. The more it fights, the more unbearable it becomes…at a visceral level. Over time, we are forced to enter into a state of surrender. The shift from control to surrender feels like a "free fall" with no net. Yet it's also a beautiful feeling.

4. Our masks, facades, roles, and labels are stripped down to nothing. In everyday life, we're accustomed to identifying with our roles and labels. We create our sense of self around these masks and facades and are hugely rewarded for it only to realize that they don't really hold up in silence and stillness. Being naked is not easy but it's the only way we get to see and feel what we're made of.

5. Leaving the comforts of the pack's mindset is necessary. Silence and stillness at its core is about getting in touch with our true self, our unique self, our most powerful self. To live our lives from this vantage point. The unique self and social self will be in conflict…a lot. It's the moment-to-moment choice between living your own life or somebody else's.

Silence and stillness are not for the faint of heart.

It's reserved for the courageous.

Good news is courage exists within all of us...in spades.

It comes through when we're willing to sit in silence and face EVERYTHING that makes us uncomfortable.

Each moment our courage is given the opportunity to express itself when we sit with this discomfort,

but then eventually the happiness dormant within takes over

...and I promise you,

there's nothing like it.